Setting Boundaries While Walking in Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something God calls us to, but as we all know, it’s not easy. When someone has hurt us deeply, we wrestle with the tension of wanting to obey God’s command to forgive while also protecting our hearts from further pain. I’ve struggled with this myself, learning that forgiveness doesn’t mean becoming a doormat or allowing toxic people unlimited access to my life.   

There is a beautiful balance between walking in forgiveness and setting healthy boundaries. Both are necessary, and both honor God. 

Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Forgetting

One of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness is that it requires us to forget what happened. But forgiveness isn’t about erasing the past, it’s about releasing the hold it has on you.   

Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  

God calls us to let go of bitterness, but He doesn’t ask us to pretend the hurt never happened. Instead, He asks us to entrust it to Him so we can move forward in healing. 

Boundaries Are Biblical

Forgiveness is about releasing resentment, but boundaries are about protecting your peace. Jesus Himself modeled this throughout His ministry, He loved people fully, but He also withdrew to pray (Luke 5:16), spoke truth even when it wasn’t well received, and didn’t allow everyone into His inner circle. 

Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” 

Setting boundaries isn’t about holding onto unforgiveness, it’s about stewarding your emotional and spiritual health so you can continue walking in love.   

How to Forgive and Set Healthy Boundaries 

1. Acknowledge the Hurt and Bring It to God

Forgiveness starts with being honest about how you feel. Bring your pain before God in prayer. Tell Him your struggles, your anger, your sadness. He can handle it. Healing begins when we allow Him into the wounds we try to cover up. 

2. Choose to Forgive (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It) 

Forgiveness isn’t a feeling; it’s a decision. Sometimes, we have to choose to forgive even before our emotions catch up. Ask God to help you release resentment, and pray for the person who hurt you. It’s one of the hardest things to do, but it’s also one of the most freeing.   

3. Define Clear Boundaries

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean allowing them to continue hurting you. Boundaries may look different depending on the situation: 

• Limiting how much access someone has to your life. 

• Choosing not to engage in toxic conversations. 

• Protecting your emotional well-being by stepping back from unhealthy relationships. 

Boundaries aren’t about punishment—they’re about wisdom. 

4. Let Go of Guilt 

As Christians, we often feel guilty for setting boundaries, as if doing so means we aren’t being loving enough. But loving someone doesn’t mean allowing them to mistreat you. It means extending grace while also honoring the worth God has placed on your life. 

5. Trust God with the Healing 

Forgiveness and boundaries are both acts of trust. When we forgive, we trust God to handle justice in His way. When we set boundaries, we trust Him to give us the wisdom to navigate relationships in a way that honors Him. 

Romans 12:18 reminds us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Sometimes, peace requires distance, and that’s okay.   

Walking in Freedom 

When we forgive, we free ourselves from the weight of bitterness. When we set boundaries, we create space for healing and growth. These two things aren’t at odds with each other, they work hand in hand. 

Forgiveness is hard. Boundaries are hard. But God’s grace is enough to guide us through both. 

Heavenly Father,  Thank You for the gift of forgiveness and for showing me what true grace looks like. Lord, I ask for Your help in letting go of resentment and choosing to forgive those who have hurt me. At the same time, give me wisdom in setting healthy boundaries that protect my heart and honor You. Help me to walk in love without compromising my well-being. Fill me with peace, and remind me that my worth is found in You.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.